learning from God and from babies
i’m sitting here in my office this afternoon stumbling through thoughts and feelings and the things of life that make things sad and joyful and crazy.
opened and closed doors.
opened and closed people.
broken lives and families.
the way God redeems.
the way drugs destroy lives.
the absence of fathers leaving a generation really confused.
watching friends and loved ones try to figure out where God fits into their life story
watching friends reject God from their life story
and then this little 4 month old baby is sitting in my office and all of the sudden my heart melts.
i cannot do anything but smile at this little child.
(except when her pooping is audible and especially when i can smell it)
she is full of innocence.
shes completely reliant on those around her to take care of her…for every. single. need.
she is thankful and smiling at the world just because someone is looking at and smiling at her.
she doesn’t care that the world can be a mean and confusing place because for her, it doesn’t matter that the whole world is crazy…all that matters is right in front of her.
and i cant help but wish that i could be more like her in how i walk with Jesus.
that i could find innocence in my identity in Christ.
that i could be thankful for the smallest of things and just smile because i have someone to love and am loved back by at least one person.
that i could live in such a way that i relied on God to provide my every need, and acknowledge Him for that.
that i could be where God’s placed me in this moment and do my best to be content living in and serving Him right there.
and the more i think about it, the more i know that spend so much time worrying about these things i cannot control. not to say that i shouldn’t be driven to love and pour into those around me in view of the messed up world that we live and the love that Jesus wants to give to each and every single person on the face of the earth. (i should).
i feel like more and more every single day, God is teaching me what it means to trust in Him from day to day. to trust that He is who He says He is. that He will provide exactly what is necessary for me to live the way He desires for me to life. that He will bring in and take out people that need to be/don’t need to be in my life. that He’ll make things clear when He is ready for me to have clarification and that He is in control even when i’m watching things spiral that seem uncontrollable and reckless.
oh to be a small child in my relationship with my creator. to fully know that i’m taken care of and held by Him each and every day. and that is enough for my survival.
i like these things God is teaching me.
a whole lot.
