calling.

around here, our middle and high school students have been  talking a whole lot about the calling God places on our lives. i know that fear is often a huge factor in me often pushing off or completely ignoring what God is asking me to do. and as i think back on the things i’ve been most afraid of following God into…those have been many of the things that have most shaped me and changed me into who i am today. i love the way God blows up my life and keeps calling me even when i’m scared. i love the passion that He gives me and tools that He equips me with to do exactly what He’s asking me to do.

to be quite honest, following Jesus into the messy lives of people is not an easy thing to do. its scary and often really intimidating. i’m not always so good at it either. but as i reflect on the things God has brought me into and out of over the last few years working with our incredible students…there is nothing i would rather be doing than serving the students of our little church here in the mid-valley. God is faithful to His people and its His ministry anyway…which i think i too easily forget. but the moments i am reminded that it doesn’t all rest on me…that i really have nothing to fear and worry about…those are the moments i’m reminded that God is a God who does incredible things and this all rests on His shoulders.

this, i love.

waking up

some days you wake up and things seem to be uncomfortable everywhere in your life.
not like i have an aching body…
just like i my soul woke up from taking a long nap and things feel foreign and disjointed.

today my soul woke up a little. i’m glad it did.
even though i’m glad it woke up, i’m sad that i have been missing so much over the last few weeks of life.

somehow i turned into a stale, smelly pond and stopped living fully. maybe because i was sick. maybe because so much has been happening or maybe something completely unrelated…either way though, i’ve been a bystander for too long and i would like to join in on this life thing today.

so i think i will.

old bones

my old bones are tired today.
and by old i mean 24 year old.
and even though i never played any real sports since middle school…i feel like my body is aged and sometimes my hip hurts. i’ll probably need a replacement by the time i’m 37. a new generation of hips are coming to the hospitals to be replaced…get ready orthopedic surgeons across the country…your gold rush is on its way!

but in all seriousness…
today i’m spending some moments reflecting on how good Jesus is to me and the things He’s called me to- even when i’m incapable. tired. desperate. and out of all the ideas i thought i could ever have.
He’s so faithful to me even when i feel completely useless.
and that’s the best thing.

when i have nothing to give and nothing to say…Jesus reminds me that i never had to do those things in the first place. its all about giving away what He’s giving me on a daily (if not every second of the day) basis. this is the best news i’ve been reminded of all day.
and who i am to think that i have nothing to give? if i know Jesus and have experienced His love…i mean that’s EVERYTHING. so i mean…it seems like i do have something to give…its just Jesus thats doing all the hard work of it…

this is me posting a late-afternoon rant about all the things in my head. i’m not even going to proof read this. because very few people will actually read this if i dont post it somewhere…and thats okay with me.

but seriously…does anyone else’s hips ever hurt?

Haiti…and more.

This summer I had the incredible experience of being able to visit the country of Haiti. (not the whole entire country mind you…but I mean that’s what people say when they go overseas so that’s what I’m saying right now)

I loved every single sweaty minute of it.
I really did.

I loved opening myself up to hearing what God might teach me. I loved letting Him shape my heart for something that was completely foreign to me in every single way. And I loved that while He was teaching me so much about my own shallow worldview and the necessity in my life for seeing the world a little more like He does…He was also teaching me that this life is just simply not about me. MY life is not about ME.

This life is about so much more than just my own self. This life is about God and what He wants. And other people and what they need. I also think that loving God and loving people requires action. The book of James puts it this way, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:27 NIV)

There are a few people in my life that have shown me living examples of how to do this more than most.
Two of those incredible people are Shane and Kristie Mattenley.
 I love them.

They are incredible examples of people that love God and love people. Not only do they love God and people though, they also live that out in a crazy way to the nation of Haiti. There are all these verses in the bible about giving when its inconvenient, about turning the other cheek, about caring for the least of these…and for lots of us we would wholeheartedly agree, that those are important things to think about. But our actions would show that we don’t think they’re important enough to act on. These people are different though. They are caring for the least of these every single day. They’re giving jobs to people whose lives are completely different because of their generosity. They’re leading the way for areas of Haiti to have a new coffee industry and thus giving them a new way of life. They’re building relationships and discipling the lost and hungry. And this is just the tip of the iceberg in what they’re doing.

While they are spending their lives doing so much for others, they’re also trying to survive and provide for their own family. They have 4 incredible kids of their own that they’re also leading, loving, and nurturing.

While spending a week with this family in Haiti  this summer my heart was torn open as God showed me what it looked like to live fully in Him. To live like He is who He says He is. Our provider. Our leader. Our shepherd. A lot of times in my life I say I rely on Him, I say He’s my boss, my Shepherd…all kinds of things…but when I take a real and honest look at my life, He’s often just my go to when I need something. If He was really my KING or my PROVIDER or anything…my life would look a whole lot different.
I’d be giving far more often.
I’d be spending much more on those around me and those that are needy than on my own self.
I’d spend more time praising and less time worrying.
I’d spend more time helping others know Jesus than I would studying something like denominational correctness.
I’d be more interested in what Jesus wants than what I want.

All of that to say: I’m really thankful for what Shane and Kristie are doing in their desire to be more about who Jesus is calling them to be than living the life that’s most comfortable. People like this help the rest of us see what the Kingdom of God is really all about.

So why am I blogging about this today?
Well I’ll tell you.
I’m convinced that if we are Christians we should be givers. To the poor, the needy, the brokenhearted…we are called to give. Not just money…also time, love, energy…but ALSO money. It’s not mine or yours anyway.
I’ve also been convicted that I really have a responsibility to love on, encourage, and give to our Christian brothers and sisters that are doing work that I can’t personally do myself, but work that needs to be done nonetheless.
That’s why I give try to give to missions, groups, and individuals that are doing incredible things in the name of Jesus in places I can’t be.

So…here’s the ask:
what are you doing to give to the world around you in the name of Jesus?

Maybe you’re doing a lot already…if so, thanks! Keep doing it…maybe even more so?

Maybe you’ve been thinking for a while though and you feel like this is an area of life that you’re needing to change some things a little.
And if that’s the case, I’d ask you to pray about giving to the Mattenley’s and what they’re doing with Highland Farms in Haiti. You can check out them out here.

I get that there are 1 million things asking for your attention and money and time and energy today.
Our society is a real tricky one to learn to balance our lives in…
But this is something close to my heart and this is where I post my thoughts…
And if you had $5 bucks to give…that’d be $5 more than before…
If you had $25 a month to give, I mean…that’d be something rad you could do too.
If you had a prayer in this moment…or every day that you prayed for Highland Farms and the ministry taking place there that’d be something more too.
If you felt the call to GO to see firsthand and help support what they’re doing down there…I mean we could make that a thing too…

But if you’ve made it this far in the blog…please don’t just close out of this tab in your browser without at least praying about what God would have you do. Maybe its nothing…but MAYBE…just maybe…its something. AND i’m not saying any of this to make you feel guilty. I genuinely love the chance to be a small part in something bigger than myself and want you to experience that too…even if its not in the same way i do. and i love a good challenge…

thanks for your time friends. really. thank you.
 

 

waiting for the beauty

i’m sitting in front of the familiar glow of a laptop in the midst of a dark house.

i should be sleeping. its all i’ve been wanting to do all day long.
really. it is.

but God has allowed me to be awake longer than i’d guessed on this last day of januay…now first day of february…

my night began with a late night in the office getting work done.
from there i was moved into a much needed conversation of life, love, and Jesus with one of my oldest friends. (of course a large cup of coffee was happening by this point)
and the movement of the night led me into numerous conversations of broken hearts and broken spirits. and all i could do was watch and listen.

what a juxtaposition of moments and feelings tonight.

all the while i’m overwhelmed with the amount of things i need to do, emails that need to be returned, calls to be made to friends i hold dear and rarely show it to…instead i’m thinking, praying, and now writing.

i do not understand this world.
i cannot grasp this problem of pain.
i’ve read the books and articles.
listened to the songs.
talked it through with the Lord.
i’ve even studied the theology of it all

and tonight, while i may be able to make sense of it in my head, i simply cannot make sense of it in my heart.

this is the worst.

(i just realized that i’m writing in weird thoughts like a rob bell book also. do i always do this? i suppose i could look for myself…i won’t though.)

when the head and the heart don’t make sense is when i’m most frustrated with my own self.
so what does one do?

i suppose this is that thing people talk about when they want you to “let go and let God”
i still hate that phrase because usually when people say that to me i want to just say, “but before you quip something at me that you read on a plaque in the Christian book store, just listen to why nothing makes sense” i digress…

in the midst of my frustration and my far too cynical-arrogant-20something-side coming out…
i’m trying to let God tell me what He wants to say and what i need to hear…

I think He’s saying something like, “Hey seth, remember that I’m the one that made the heavens and the earth and all you see. and also I made you. and someday this earth is going to be gone and you’re not going to be there anymore. But until then, hold on. Because I’ve got something so much better than you even understand in store for you.  I’m doing my work. and just like pain doesn’t make sense, neither does the way I choose to bring beauty from the brokenness. but the beauty is worth waiting for. in you. and in those around you.”

i mean i think its something like that…

one word

last year i discovered that lots of people in the world are bored of new years resolutions.
i also am bored with them.
they mostly just make me feel bad about myself.
not to say we shouldn’t ever make goals and not to say that the point of life is to just feel great about yourself…but at the end of the day, resolutions rarely work to change my life for the better.

so i did something that i found lots of other folks in the world, at least on the internet, doing…instead of making lists of resolutions, they chose a word. you can read more about it here
one word.
this word was supposed to be the thrust of who they desired to be in the year to come. and so this year my word is:
[i put it one some paper and hung it on my office wall so i can't escape it.]

i’m pretty stoked about learning to be and discovering what it looks like for me to be brave.
not because i’m a strong, good looking knight riding in on a white horse to save the day, i’m thinking less Disney classics, and more like king david.
i want to bravely follow Jesus this year.
i want people to look at me and not see seth. i want people to see a man after God’s own heart.
i want to be brave for my students (my kids), and my almost wife, and i just mostly want God to look at me and smile because i’m learning to let Him take away any hint of fear in my life and create me into the man that He’s been asking me to be for quite some time now.

a typical corny blog about last year.

at the risk of being cliche and corny, i’m about to write a post about the last year of my life.
do i care if i’m corny and cliche? No, no i don’t.
in fact, i don’t care so much, that i’m going to now make a list. i’m basically as creative as VH1…which isn’t saying much, but it’s whats going to happen.

1. this year i fell deeply in love with Jesus. more than ever before. i’ve experienced Him in new ways and learned what it looks like to follow Him more deeply than ever before. that hasn’t been without conflict, rebellion, and pain sometimes…but i can say that i’m growing. which is challenging and tough, and brings deeper joy than anything i’ve ever known. i love this.

2. this year i also fell deeply in love with a real cute girl. her name is lacey. we’re getting married. she’s the best thing (cue big band sounds and ray lamontagne song). i have no idea what the rest of  life is going to look like for the two of us, and frankly, i think that marriage sounds difficult and scary sometimes. but i cant imagine going through life without her and i’m so excited to learn about love and humility and adventure like i’ve never known it before. and it’ll all be with the cutest, dare i say, most beautiful girl in the world.

3. this year i finally left the country (canada never really counted). me, lacey, my wonderful parents, tiffany, hails, and candice took the trip of a lifetime to spend a week with some of my most favorite people that i’ve ever known. they’re the mattenley’s. and i love em. Haiti was an experience like nothing i’d ever known. not only did my heart break for the people of the confused and broken country, but i learned that God is so much bigger and capable than i even can see and that in the midst of His hugeness, He can bring so much beauty out of the brokenness of Haiti. and not only can He…but He already has and is and i trust He will keep doing that. i’m so thankful for people like shane and kristie that live a life that is crazy, not just for being crazy’s sake…but because God called them and they were more interested in following Him than they were with being comfortable. i want that in my life so much more everyday.

4. this year i have been so lucky to have some incredible live music experiences. i love music and this sounds weird, but when i see bands that i love, i get recharged in an weird and wonderful way. from gungor, to the civil wars, to amos lee, the head and the heart, and mumford and sons…my musical world has been rocked. and i’ve loved it.

5. at the end of this year, the NBA lockout ended. this is stupid and trivial, but i love my blazers. i’m so stoked to see em win some games this year!

6. this year i have learned to see God as my provider. through a few cars and some times of sucking at being a manager of my money, i’ve seen God provide for me all i needed and more. i don’t mean this is in a health and wealth gospel kind of way, i mean this in a…i’m thankful for the mercy of God kind of way. He’s good to me. i want to be better at being good with my money in light of His goodness towards me.

7. this year God has been showing me more and more of what He wants me to look like. and He’s showing me that He’s set me free to be just what He wants me to be. its so tough to live in and thrive in the freedom that He’s called me to live in, but i’m finding that there is not a better place to be, no matter how frustrating it can be to bring myself to that place of grace and freedom that He desires us all to thrive in.

8. this year not only have i fallen in deeper love with Jesus and with lacey, but i’ve also fallen more deeply into love with God’s children. i love my life of sitting with and doing life for countless hours with people that i love. people that can challenge me and people that i can challenge. people that encourage me and people that i can encourage. people that minister to me and that i can minister to and alongside of. there is so much beauty in the way that God has created His church to exist. and i cant not feel so crazy blessed beyond words whenever i stop to consider that He’s given me the choice to be a part of the greatest community on the face of the earth, His sweet, beautiful, and sometimes messy Church. i wouldn’t trade it for anything.

so as a throwback to myspace (R.I.P.) there’s my top 8 of the year.
i’ll have more to come.
but that’s all for now.

here’s to a new year of falling. a new year of growing. a new year of listening. a new year of speaking truth. and a new year of being braver than ever. not because i have much reason to be brave on my own, but because Christ has given me every reason in the world to be brave in who He’s called me to be.

today

sometimes you are having one of those weeks where everything feels completely disillusioned and broken.

always God is better than those weeks.
and always God has a way of breaking through my brokenness to remind me of the fact that He has called me and i am His.

and not only do i just get to say that i’m His, but also, He is holding me and leading me and continues to call me. and i’m his sheep. and He’s my shepherd. and He leads me into all the right places and breaks my legs to lead me out of all the wrong places. and i’m so thankful. so so thankful.

learning from God and from babies

i’m sitting here in my office this afternoon stumbling through thoughts and feelings and the things of life that make things sad and joyful and crazy.

opened and closed doors.
opened and closed people.
broken lives and families.
the way God redeems.
the way drugs destroy lives.
the absence of fathers leaving a generation really confused.
watching friends and loved ones try to figure out where God fits into their life story
watching friends reject God from their life story

and then this little 4 month old baby is sitting in my office and all of the sudden my heart melts.

i cannot do anything but smile at this little child.
(except when her pooping is audible and especially when i can smell it)

she is full of innocence.
shes completely reliant on those around her to take care of her…for every. single. need.
she is thankful and smiling at the world just because someone is looking at and smiling at her.
she doesn’t care that the world can be a mean and confusing place because for her, it doesn’t matter that the whole world is crazy…all that matters is right in front of her.

and i cant help but wish that i could be more like her in how i walk with Jesus.
that i could find innocence in my identity in Christ.
that i could be thankful for the smallest of things and just smile because i have someone to love and am loved back by at least one person.
that i could live in such a way that i relied on God to provide my every need, and acknowledge Him for that.
that i could be where God’s placed me in this moment and do my best to be content living in and serving Him right there.

and the more i think about it, the more i know that spend so much time worrying about these things i cannot control. not to say that i shouldn’t be driven to love and pour into those around me in view of the messed up world that we live and the love that Jesus wants to give to each and every single person on the face of the earth. (i should).

i feel like more and more every single day, God is teaching me what it means to trust in Him from day to day. to trust that He is who He says He is. that He will provide exactly what is necessary for me to live the way He desires for me to life. that He will bring in and take out people that need to be/don’t need to be in my life. that He’ll make things clear when He is ready for me to have clarification and that He is in control even when i’m watching things spiral that seem uncontrollable and reckless.

oh to be a small child in my relationship with my creator. to fully know that i’m taken care of and held by Him each and every day. and that is enough for my survival.

i like these things God is teaching me.
a whole lot.

i’m sitting on my bed with a heavy heart tonight.
text after text of tough situations have been sent my way tonight and it’s tough to read and listen to people i love that are hurting and know that all i can do is pray and listen.
and i know that’s more than i’m giving it credit for, because i mean…i’m praying to the God of the universe who has the power to control all things…but sometimes…honestly…its still so tough.

i wish there was more to say.
but there’s not.
sometimes the weight of a heavy heart can’t be put to words.
it just is.